Thank you for writing this. Complementarianism is insidious and really limiting. I talked with a friend once and pointed out that if the man’s only job is to provide and the woman’s job is to stay home, that man can follow his dreams and passions (as long as it pays the bills). There is, however, only one right way for the woman to act: be a stay at home wife and mother.
Also, that idea of complementarianism hurts men too. It tells them that if they don’t have enough ambitions outside of the home, or if they are particularly concerned with their children, that something is wrong with them. My husband recently shared that an EQ discussion went “Mothering is the most important job. We can’t do that, so what can we do? We have to provide for our women.” (Already problematic). But many of the men in our ward are struggling with multiple jobs to make ends meet. Several are currently in school while their spouse works to pay the bills. This made those men feel like they were unable to fill God’s job for them.
Thank you for sharing your understanding of this topic. This has been a topic I have been wrestling with for years now and I’m still wrestling with it today. Complementarianism, as you so eloquently defined and summarized, is clearly a cultural practice that is not in line with the pure gospel of Jesus Christ. I do not believe that God accepts nor is responsible for the inequity we see in the complementarian culture. I, like you, trust that prophets and apostles are called of God and try to do His will on the earth. I, too, know that they are fallible. I think that to believe that every word they say and everything they do is dictated and directed intricately by God is naïve and spiritually harmful.
My biggest struggle is trying to separate the culture of members of the Church from the culture Jesus Christ has established after His resurrection. I believe He is still restoring that culture as part of His Restoration. It’s interesting to me that we don’t have much detail on the Zion communities taught in the scriptures (Adam and Eve’s family, City of Enoch, Post-Resurrection New Testament and Book of Mormon peoples). We know that they had “all things common” and “were of one heart and one mind” (Acts 4:32; 4 Nephi 1:3; Moses 7:18). We know that there was no contention among them (4 Nephi 1:14). We know what they didn’t have (see 4 Nephi 1:16-17). What we don’t see are specific cultural practices and structures. We don’t really know what society really looked like. There is no mention of kings, presidents, or any other political leaders; maybe any administrative responsibilities were put on the 12 disciples, but there isn’t much in the way of how things were done in that regard. While there was no contention, there was bound to have been differences and disagreements between the people. I wonder if men and women in these communities had equal responsibilities.
It is difficult to imagine a society where women and men, BIPOC, Latinx, LGBTQ+ people, and other people of diverse backgrounds and cultures can live together with all things common in today’s world without important societal changes. Much of the necessary changes to create such a society and system of culture would be considered radical, unacceptable, and unfair (even—sadly—among members of the Church).
Thank you for writing this. Complementarianism is insidious and really limiting. I talked with a friend once and pointed out that if the man’s only job is to provide and the woman’s job is to stay home, that man can follow his dreams and passions (as long as it pays the bills). There is, however, only one right way for the woman to act: be a stay at home wife and mother.
Also, that idea of complementarianism hurts men too. It tells them that if they don’t have enough ambitions outside of the home, or if they are particularly concerned with their children, that something is wrong with them. My husband recently shared that an EQ discussion went “Mothering is the most important job. We can’t do that, so what can we do? We have to provide for our women.” (Already problematic). But many of the men in our ward are struggling with multiple jobs to make ends meet. Several are currently in school while their spouse works to pay the bills. This made those men feel like they were unable to fill God’s job for them.
Thank you for sharing your understanding of this topic. This has been a topic I have been wrestling with for years now and I’m still wrestling with it today. Complementarianism, as you so eloquently defined and summarized, is clearly a cultural practice that is not in line with the pure gospel of Jesus Christ. I do not believe that God accepts nor is responsible for the inequity we see in the complementarian culture. I, like you, trust that prophets and apostles are called of God and try to do His will on the earth. I, too, know that they are fallible. I think that to believe that every word they say and everything they do is dictated and directed intricately by God is naïve and spiritually harmful.
My biggest struggle is trying to separate the culture of members of the Church from the culture Jesus Christ has established after His resurrection. I believe He is still restoring that culture as part of His Restoration. It’s interesting to me that we don’t have much detail on the Zion communities taught in the scriptures (Adam and Eve’s family, City of Enoch, Post-Resurrection New Testament and Book of Mormon peoples). We know that they had “all things common” and “were of one heart and one mind” (Acts 4:32; 4 Nephi 1:3; Moses 7:18). We know that there was no contention among them (4 Nephi 1:14). We know what they didn’t have (see 4 Nephi 1:16-17). What we don’t see are specific cultural practices and structures. We don’t really know what society really looked like. There is no mention of kings, presidents, or any other political leaders; maybe any administrative responsibilities were put on the 12 disciples, but there isn’t much in the way of how things were done in that regard. While there was no contention, there was bound to have been differences and disagreements between the people. I wonder if men and women in these communities had equal responsibilities.
It is difficult to imagine a society where women and men, BIPOC, Latinx, LGBTQ+ people, and other people of diverse backgrounds and cultures can live together with all things common in today’s world without important societal changes. Much of the necessary changes to create such a society and system of culture would be considered radical, unacceptable, and unfair (even—sadly—among members of the Church).